20 Things Every Man Should Do Before He Gets Married
20 challenging tasks that will shape who you become.
Hi Everyone,
Happy Monday. I hope you had a wonderful Fourth of July. Every Independence Day I experience a surge of patriotism that makes me want to dive into all the books I read in school: Alexis de Tocqueville, The Federalist Papers, my US history books - I want to reacquaint myself with the ideals of the US. I think the thing I love most about the US and its founding is we, as a people, have aimed at an ideal and strived for it. Fallen short? Yeah, of course. But we still aim at the ideal. It’s the same with the work I do here on this Substack - I do my best to create an image of the ideal because the ideal forces you and me to rise.
I also spent the weekend thinking about Charlie Kirk. I didn’t watch much of his content or follow him while he was alive but I knew who he was and what he stood for. He was a once in a lifetime kind of man. I do hope we see many small Charlie’s popping up in our communities.
Several new subscribers have joined in the last week. I want to say thank you for reading my work. If you’re new, be sure to check out some of the other articles at instituteofmen.substack.com.
Occasionally, I’ll write a very practical and actionable post aimed at helping young men become the man they want to be. This is one of those posts. Even if you aren’t young or you’re already married, you can still do these 20 things. I think you’ll find them reinvigorating.
As I’ve been asking, if you find this beneficial, please share it with someone else. If you’re a fellow substacker, hit that restack button at the bottom. It helps me out immensely.
I’m a big believer that if you want to get the best out of a man, you have to get him to do things. It's cool to write essays about the prophetic nature of your name, about the great man we should imitate, and about spiritual disciplines, and all that stuff. It's really good, but I don't think it is complete, nor will it turn the heart of man into a great man. For this, I think a man needs action. I think he needs to complete hard tasks that challenge his body, his mind, his heart. He must also develop a sense of adventure and fun
It’s good for a man to face adversity and to overcome it with his head held high. Our boundaries infused world has gone from boundaries around bad things to boundaries around uncomfortable things. Not all of the activities listed below are hard or difficult but they do present a challenge in different ways. Some challenges are sticking to discipline, some are physically challenging, some mentally challenging; many are adventurous and fun which help bring a man outside of himself.
I could list all the reasons to do these activities and all the benefits they’ll bring you. I’m not going to do that. You'll discover them as you do them and look back on them. But I will give you one benefit.
What they will do for you is instill a sense of confidence.
Confidence that you can ask that girl out, in person; confidence you can apply for that job you want or start that venture you’re dreaming about. Confidence at social gatherings and confidence when you’re feel like you’re going through life solo. These activities will give you a sense that you can make your way in the world.
Let’s briefly talk about asking that girl out since GenZ is going on less dates than any other generation.
A man lacks confidence when he has very little to offer. He has very little to offer a woman when he has not challenged himself with hard tasks or with adventure. Our therapeutic culture (essay coming soon on that topic) wants to affirm nothingness. Call it good and hope it sticks. But it doesn’t stick. All it does is show how unfamiliar we are with the spirit of a man. A young man who has never tried to do difficult things or anything at all knows he doesn’t have much to offer a woman. And it’s killing him on the inside.
A woman, not a girl, not a feminist, a woman desires a man who has something to offer her: steadiness, strength, adventure, and someone who is interesting. She wants a sense of security that transcends money. She wants fun - the type of fun only a good man can bring.
I did every single one of these activities prior to meeting my wife. Some I did well, some I did not. But I did them. Many lessons and many stories come from doing the activities below. I was not a very confident young man. These activities, among other things I share on this Substack, helped me and instilled a sense of confidence.
Write these down on some paper. Maybe add your own. Then do them one at a time, crossing them off as you go. Journal about them and your experience. You’ll be glad you did.
Climb a 14ner. (A really tall mountain)
Go camping alone.
Work for one year with zero pay.
Use only your bike or feet for transportation for 3 months.
Read the bible cover to cover in 40 days.
Complete a five day fast.
Work a sales job.
Build something with only hand tools.
Copy the New Testament letters by hand (harder than you think!)
Read 10 books from this list (institute reading list)
Volunteer for manual labor (or work a blue collar job)
Start a small business/side hustle.
Swim 1000m
Do CrossFit, MMA, or a few spartan races.
Public speak to a group (any size)
Fix something that is broken and unfamiliar.
Have lunch with someone super poor/homeless
Take a trip to see a monument - don’t make a plan.
Interview someone much older than you about life.
Ask her out in person.
Bonus: subscribe to this Substack.